Funny Karate Jokes & Stuff

Self defense is serious business, but funny karate jokes and humorous one-liners are not. So every once in a while take a break from the more traditional karate lesson, read and share a comical karate story with us.

Add your amusing karate joke, quote or one-liner at the bottom of the page. You just may be rewarded with a coveted spot on this website (you weren't expecting prize money were you?)

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Funny Karate Jokes

A Blind man goes into a ladies bar, sits at the bar and turns to the woman next to him and says, "Do yo want to hear a blonde joke?" The woman replies, "As you are blind I feel it only fair to warn you, this is a ladies bar, I'm blonde and a champion at karate, my two friends are blonde and professional wrestlers and the barmaid is blonde. Now do you really want to tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a moment ... "No, I don't want to have to explain it four times."

There were two old buddies who continued to compete in judo tournaments well past their prime. One day, while relaxing after yet another competition, they were chatting and wondering if there is judo in heaven and made a pact that whoever passed away first would come back and let the other know.

About a week later one of the old judoka passed away. About a month after that the surviving old judoka was at yet another competition when all of a sudden he saw an apparition. Sure enough it was his old buddy who had come back to see him.

"Well, please tell me," asked the surviving judoka. "Are there judo competitions in heaven?" "I have good news and bad news for you," replied the apparition to his old judo buddy. "The good news is that, yes, there are judo competitions in heaven. The bad news is you’re up first this Saturday

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How many Martial Arts Masters does it take to change a light bulb?

Infinite Number... because they all come with empty hands!

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Did you hear about the new Karate Video?

It became a Hit and a Blockbuster! - Thank you Rachel(US)

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Martial Arts Pig I went into a Chinese butcher shop the other day and asked for some chops.

I came out with a sore neck ): - thanks to Jay from Manchester (UK)


pig wearing black belt LVkarate.com

Q; What do you call a pig who does karate?

A: A Pork Chop - Thanks to Jade Kopua from New Zealand

Q: If your Sensei makes you a drink, what will it be and what will it have in it?

A: It would be punch with a little kick to it. :)

Thank You Hannah (from Texas)

The Tournament

Noting that the tournament organizers seemed a little shorthanded Keith's dad approached the table. "Good morning," he said to the Director, "you look a little shorthanded. Anything I can do to help?"

"Well it just so happens we're short a fighter for the purple belt division," the director replied

"Sorry," Keith's dad said, "I don't know a thing about Karate."

"That's OK" said the director. "We need referees too!"

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Tao of the Monk

To raise money for the karate school a monk was selling pizza. A man walked in and said, "Make me one with everything."

So the monk said that would be $15. The man handed the monk a twenty dollar bill.

After a minute he asked where his change was, to which the monk replied, "Change must come from within."

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Watch Your Back!

A man walks into his favorite bar only to find a smaller man sitting on his favorite bar stool. The big guy sneaks up and knocks the little guy out with one move. The big guy looks at the bartender and says, “When this guy wakes up, tell him that was JuJutsu from Japan!!” The next night the same thing happens except the big guy tells the bartender; "When this guy wakes up, tell him that was Karate from Korea!!”

The third night the big guy comes in and the little guy isn’t there. Happy that he ran the little guy off, the big guy plops himself down on his favorite stool. The little guy comes in and sneaks up on the big guy and knocks him out and then says to the bartender, “When this guy wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from K-Mart!!!”

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Witty Karate Quotes

"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world."
-Dave Barry

Funny Karate Definitions

What is the difference between Judo and Karate?

Karate is an ancient form of self defense, and Judo is what they make bagels out of

Funny Karate One-Liners

Q:  How many karate students does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  Just one, but then all the rest stand around and say "That's not how MY Sensei said to do it!"

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My friend is an expert at karate. Unfortunately he was beaten up by three thugs when he was trying to take his socks and shoes off

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My cousin was an incredibly tough man. He was a karate black belt who eventually joined the army. Sadly the first time he saluted he killed himself.

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While attempting to remember his kata during belt testing, Johnny was heard letting out a sai of frustration

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Billy was talking rapidly and with run-on sentences during weapons class. Seems he forgot his kamas

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Karate Jokes from Readers 
BEWARE! I KNOW KARATE. .. ...and a few other Japanese words..

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